


Unconditional

by JustHannah



Category: Continuum (TV), The 100
Genre: Anxiety, Depression, Disappointment, Emo, F/M, Julian Randol - Freeform, Regret, Step-siblings, emo love, john murphy - Freeform, step-brother
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-16
Updated: 2017-06-26
Packaged: 2018-04-21 03:21:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,118
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4813007
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JustHannah/pseuds/JustHannah
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He was on the path of becoming my step-brother and I knew it wasn't right for me to feel these things, but it didn't seem to matter to him, he never stopped trying to be with me and I couldn't understand why. This love was different than any other love I have ever encountered, it was unconditional.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

      "Are you almost ready?" I heard my mother yell from the front door, she always got manic about stuff like this.

     I stared at my empty room, there were so many memories here and I couldn't believe we were leaving them to go across the country to Washington state, although I can't say I'm disappointed.

      My dad was murdered almost three years ago and around a year and a half after, my mother latched onto a man, Harry, over the internet, I didn't expect things to get this serious but now we're moving across the country to live with him and his son.

      I've seen only a few pictures and spoken to him for brief moments during their video chats but I've never seen a picture of his son, all I knew was that his name was Alec.

      I have no issue with leaving only because I have no friends and have no one holding me here, but that's an entirely different story that hopefully I'll get the chance to explain.

      I was unnervingly anxious about meeting Harry and Alec, my social anxiety was driving me crazy, I haven't really been around people very much in the past couple years and I definitely didn't want them to hate me. I always felt like an awkward freak that was just a burden on people, but day by day I've been trying to get rid of that feeling, I didn't want to be like my mother.

      "Alyson!" she screamed making me jump and instantly start running down there, the sooner we left, the sooner she would feel at ease.

      We stood on the porch staring at the closed door in front of us, I felt my mothers lips lightly touch my temple and heard her footsteps as she walked to the car.

      I knew this would be difficult, I was still having an excruciatingly difficult time accepting and dealing with my dads death and having Harry potentially take that position in my life was hard to accept. I wasn't going to shut him out completely, I wanted my mom to finally be happy again no matter how hard it is for me, so I was going to try my best to accept the situation as it is and accept both him and his son.

      I heard my mother call my name once more and walked toward the car, this was going to be a drastic change and a very difficult change, so as we drove away I tried to rid my mind of any worries, but through the coincidentally dramatic rain they still remained.

 


	2. First Sight

      I opened my eyes as I heard my mother telling me it was time to wake up, my heart dropped into my stomach as I realized where we were, we were almost to the house.

      I brushed my fingers through my hair and rubbed my eyes as we pulled up, the house sat in the middle of a very spacious field that I figured Harry owned.

     The house was beautiful, it had two stories and a front porch with a swing on the far left side, much different than what I was used to.

     My hands started to shake as my mother left the car and went around to my side opening my door, I swung my legs over the side of the car and let my feet fall onto the green grass.

     "I know you're nervous, so am I, but I love him, Alley," she eyed me making me nod and walk side by side up to the front door. She lifted her arm and hesitated but knocked on the door three times until footsteps sounded on the other side.

     The doorknob twisted and the door opened to reveal a middle aged man with black but greying hair and a handsome face, he smiled and let out, "Emily."

    He lifted his arms and my mother willingly collapsed into him, also letting out his name, holding onto him for what looked like dear life.

     I took a few steps back letting them have their moment, they stood there for what felt like hours but in reality only lasted a few minutes.

     When Harry and my mother let each other go Harry turned to me and smiled, lifting his hand, "I guess we should probably start off slow."

     His hand was so large compared to mine as I accepted his handshake, I was glad that he seemed to take my point of view into consideration.

     "I'm sorry, we seem to be missing somebody," Harry chuckled as my mom agreed, Harry turned to look at the stairs and cupped his mouth before yelling Alec's name.

     I looked down at my flats as my hands clasped themselves together, this was the moment that was making me feel uncontrollably nervous.

     I heard loud footsteps start to walk down the wooden stairs and waited until they came to a halt to look at him. As I looked up all of my worries became increasingly more nerve wracking, I felt my insides start to radiate a sort of warmth just from looking at him, now I was even more nervous.  
"Emily, Alyson, this is my son, Alec," Harry introduced.

    His features complimented each other perfectly even when his dark hair slightly covered one of his eyes. His eyes burned into mine as my hands started to shake even more, he looked down at them making me break them from each other and clasp them behind my back.

     My mother smiled widely at Alec as I looked up at her, still feeling his stare, I watched her hold up her hand and give his a small shake, letting their hands linger together for a few extra moments until they separated.

     "Alec, this is my daughter, Alyson," I watched him as he smiled slightly at me holding up his hand, I let my right hand go and tried to seize the shaking as I held it up, failing miserably.

     "Alec," his voice was a bit raspy as he moved his hand closer, engulfing it in his fingers, the fact that I was so attracted to him made things feel so much worse and it didn't help that I could tell he knew that I was nervous. I kept my anxiety a secret from everyone including my mother, she just thought it was minor and unimportant.

     As he dropped my hand I felt confused as it turned cold making me look up at Harry who was about to speak, "Unpack first and then eat?"

    His arm draped around my mothers shoulders when she answered with a smile, "Sounds like a plan."

     "We'll help," he kissed my mothers cheek as they walked out side by side toward the car.

    "I'm sorry," Alec said softly making me look up at him.

    "For what?" my voice was even softer than his, I saw his eyes widen for only a moment before they went back.

     "I'm not very good at this," he rubbed the back of his neck as we started walking outside, passing by my mother and Harry on the way.

    "Don't worry, I'm not either," I smiled slightly at him as we each pulled out one of my suitcases from the trunk.

     I didn't have many clothes so bringing them all up wasn't much of a challenge, we just left the suitcases outside my door and waited until we were done to see it.

    Alec stood beside me with my duffel bag slung over his shoulder as I opened the door, it was a perfectly sized room, not too big and not too small. There was a bed, a dresser, a desk, a chair, a lounging chair, and a window seat.

     He walked in before me and dropped my duffel on the bed then walked over toward the window seat, "The window opens and there's room on the roof to sit but it's crucial to be careful when you do."

     He flipped the latch on the window and opened it slightly letting the cool air circulate around the room, "Thank you, for helping me."

    "It's no problem," he nodded at me with his brows furrowed, "If you need anything I'm right over there," he pointed to the room across the hall with the door open, it was curiously neat but I only looked for a second, I didn't want to invade his personal space. I looked up to see him avoiding eye contact and walking toward the door, "I'll be downstairs."

     I heard his steps as they reached the floor below and let out while burying my head in my hands, "This is going to be much more difficult then I thought."

 


	3. Dinner

        I sat down at the dining table where the food steamed from the center, I sat across from Alec and my mother sat at the end of the table holding Harry's hand. 

       Alec didn't meet my eyes making me look down at my plate, I didn't want my looking at him to bother him, I wanted to keep on his good side.

       "It's so good to finally meet you two," my mother smiled, she rarely smiled like this and it was good to see.

       "You look even more beautiful in person," my heart pounded at the amount of sap that was going on at the moment and I chuckled a bit at the mention of sap in my head, the chuckle sounded dry and unhappy which convinced me to stay quiet.

       "I'm sorry, Alley is a bit shy," I was shy but my social anxiety was the real problem.

      For the first time since dinner started I felt Alec staring at me, I looked up and he just stared at me with disbelieving eyes.

       I snapped back to reality and responded, "I'm sorry," apologizing was a habit of mine. 

       "It's okay," both Alec and Harry said, I could barely hear Alec say it and Harry didn't seem to notice at all, I could hear a hint of a smile in each of their voices.

       I looked back at Alec to see the corners of his lips twitching upward as he looked down at his food, his appearance was much too appealing to ignore no matter how hard I was trying.

       My mother carried on conversation with Alec and Harry, she was mostly asking Alec questions and he seemed willing to answer each one, he seemed hesitant at first but relaxed a little as time went by.

       It was strange how I could never get tired of hearing his voice, like every time he said something he didn't say enough, I just wanted him to keep speaking.

       Little things he said made me chuckle, like little comments about his life, my mother seemed to be intimidated by him and I could see Harry kick him a few times because of it.

       "Is there anyone we should be expecting around the house? A girlfriend or friends? Alley doesn't have any," I gave my mother a wide eyed expression and shook my head, she always did this without fail, I looked down at my food and kept myself from eating and trying to concentrate on calming my nerves that were still driving me crazy.

       "No, I don't have any friends either, I guess we're alike in that way," I looked up to see the corners of his lips twitch upward again as he looked down.

       "But you have a girlfriend, right?" she looked at me intently as she questioned him, narrowing her eyes slightly.

       "No," he answered after swallowing a bite of food, "I see no problem with being antisocial."

       "Oh," my mother shrank in her seat a little at his answer.

       I nodded at him and he nodded in return as a sort of 'Thank you' and 'You're welcome'.

       "Most people are intimidated by me anyway," he continued sarcastically, "I can't really understand why."

       I chuckled and ate a small portion of food, looking in my lap as I chewed, Harry kicked him once again making Alec's expression sour.

       I could tell there was tension between the two, but then again there was also tension between my mother and I. I promised myself not to ask until we knew each other better, we have just met after all and it isn't my place.

       We finished dinner soon after and my mother followed Harry to the kitchen to clean up, I stared down at my fingers that were laying in my lap, Alec's voice broke me from my thoughts, "Is she always like that?"

       "Yes, unfortunately," I knew he was referring to how cold her tone of voice was, he chuckled at my words.

       I watched him as he stood and walked toward the living room, motioning for me to follow.

     Most of the night we were watching movies and eating popcorn, I wasn't surprised because it seemed to be the only activity that we could all agree on.

      Harry sat next to my mother on the couch and I sat alone on the love seat across from Alec.

     There was something almost dark about Alec's eyes, it peeked my curiosity but I was trying not to think about him, it goes without saying that it's not going so well.

     I walked upstairs with Alec behind me, Harry and my mother were still downstairs, Alec said, "I hope you don't hate it too much here."

     "You and me both," I replied making him chuckle, "I definitely don't want to intrude."

     "You aren't at all," he held an almost blank expression, we reached our doors and turned to each other.

     "If that changes let me know," he chuckled again and shook his head.

     "Not likely," he looked intently at me making me feel a bit self-conscious, he had this look in his eyes that I couldn't really place and his next words unwillingly gave me shivers, "Sleep well, I'll see you tomorrow. Goodnight, Alyson."

 

 


	4. I'm Here

      Days passed and things between Harry and my mother had gotten much more serious which scared me, I didn't want her to get hurt when he found out how she really was. Something was also happening with Alec and I, something I didn't really know how to explain.

     As I got to know Alec better, the more I craved his presence and that scared the hell out of me, he was on his way to being my step brother and it wasn't right.

     Alec had a very hard exterior, I knew things had happened in his past between him and Harry among other things and I was waiting until he felt it was right to tell me. As time went on I noticed that he acted differently around me than when he was around Harry and my mother, I was grateful, but it also revealed itself as a problem considering it made him much more luring. It made me want to get to know all of him, not just the good parts, I want to know the dark parts of him as well. 

     He was so much different than his exterior suggested, from how much time I was spending with him, I knew that wasn't how he had planned things to be. He wasn't normally like the way he was around me and hearing him say that gave me a glimmer or hope that he cared like I did.

     Alec was the type of person who no one wanted to talk to for fear of being hurt, though he never actually did, people refused to think differently. He was shy, quiet, loud, funny, and amazingly nice all at once, it never seized to confuse and impress me.

     I could talk to him for hours and sometimes not talk at all, we didn't need words it seemed, even sitting there quietly together was enough. Lately he hasn't been speaking much, I had an inkling why but didn't want to ask, I wanted him to feel comfortable when he told me.,

     I opened my tired eyes to see the sunlight shining through the window just a few feet away, I felt exhausted. I needed Melatonin to sleep because my anxiety has been getting worse, and each time I woke up, I was still tired.

     I knew Alec knew I hadn't been sleeping very well and was glad he didn't really ask about it, he just gave me a look, I was beginning to be able to read him easily. The reason I couldn't sleep is because of him and his dad.

     Harry was beginning to become more comfortable with my mother and I, which meant he was able to act the way he did before we moved in, he didn't treat Alec the best and that made me nervous. 

     The other part that kept me up at night was Alec, for stereotypic reasons I couldn't sleep knowing he was always right across the hall. It seemed that everyday that went by, I was becoming more attached to him and I knew it wasn't right.

     I got the feeling he may feel the same way, sometimes he would stay at a distance from me and treat me as an acquaintance, but most of the time he was friendly. I would do the same thing whenever reality hit me and I realized what was happening, I forced myself to stop but every time I saw his face again, I would feel myself slipping uncontrollably.

     I sat up and swung my legs over the side of the bed as I rubbed my eyes, I could hear the door open and close across the hall and heard a small knock on my door, footsteps then disappeared toward the bathroom. Alec usually knocked on my door to wake me up, but to wake me up gently, he knew I was always tired.

     I stood and stripped out of my sweats and into my clothes, my hair was stringy and my face needed attending to so I made sure not to leave without at least a little make up.

     I opened the door and heard the door to the bathroom open, Alec emerged in his normal, almost unapproachable facade that contained skinny jeans, a leather jacket, a black t-shirt, and combat boots.

     As he neared me he stopped and gave me a crooked almost melancholy smile and murmured giving me goosebumps, "Didn't get enough sleep again?"

     "How could you tell?" I chuckled a little and ran my hand through my hair, I knew I had circles beginning to form under my eyes, he was staring intently at them.

     "I'm sorry," he rubbed the back of his neck making me shake my head.

     "Don't apologize, it's okay," I smiled a little at him as we started walking.

     "Still," I heard him whisper making me look up to see him already staring down at me.

     "How long did you sleep?" we were halfway down the steps.

     "About four hours, I kept waking up, but I'll live," I answered and broke contact as I looked toward the kitchen.

     "I hope so, do the meds help?" I looked up at him with wide eyes, he continued with a serious expression, "I see you take them."

     "Oh...they help a little, but they make me really tired in the morning. It's nothing to worry about though," I assured him, I hated talking about myself too much, I always changed the subject to him because I felt selfish.

    "If there's -" Alec started but I finished his sentence seeing his lips twitch into a small smile. In the time I've gotten to know him, I found that he never smiled fully, neither did I, something else we had in common.

     "Anything you can do to help, tell you, I know. I'm here for you too," I chuckled tiredly.

     "Well, it's better when you say it," he laughed in return, I loved to hear him laugh, it was rare for him to laugh and when he did, it was usually when Harry wasn't around. My lips unwillingly curled up from what sounded like a compliment, back in Seattle I didn't smile, it was another thing that had changed since I met Alec.

     "You guys are up," Harry smiled at us when we entered the kitchen, I figured my mother was on the couch or taking a nap, when I heard the TV come on I was proven right, "Don't worry, I'm taking her out today so you guys can watch TV when we leave."

     "Thanks," I said quietly getting out an apple.

    I heard Harry walk into the living room and start conversing with my mother as I cut the apple. I placed the cut pieces on a plate and threw the core sections in the trash.

     I ate a piece of the apple while watching Alec eat, needless to say he ate enough for the both of us.

     I only ate half of the apple and pushed the plate toward Alec making him ask, "Are you sure? You haven't eaten much."

     I nodded and pushed the plate closer feeling him eyeing me, I never really ate much, habit I guess.

     I heard the TV go off and our guardians yelled their goodbyes then the sound of the front door opening and slamming shut echoed through the house.

     "TV?" I asked.

    "Absolutely."

    We walked side by side to the couch and collapsed on either end, Alec had the remote and handed it over to me but I didn't take it, I always let him choose.

     "What about American Horror Story?" he suggested, he knew I liked that show.

     "You know me so well," I replied quietly.

     "I'm getting to," he smiled crookedly toward the TV and put it on, he let me lay down and share a blanket with him. I rested my feet against his legs, I couldn't look away as he smiled down at his lap. The contact comforted me in a way.

    He hardly paid attention, half the time I could feel his burning stare and the other half I was staring at him. There were a few moments where our eyes met and the corners of his lips twitched slightly upward, making my insides radiate warmth once again.

     "Alyson?" he asked as the credits were passing on the screen after the second episode we watched, Alec then turned the TV off, which he almost never did when we were binge watching things.

     "Yes?"

     "Why haven't you been sleeping?" he didn't meet my eyes as he asked and I was glad, inside I was panicking.

     "Anxiety," I answered, figuring it was the best response I could give that wasn't a lie, he looked at me once again.

     "Is there anything I can do?" his voice was so soft and hesitant that it scared me, this time the question sounded different, most of the time he wasn't this serious. I didn't give him much of an answer but he seemed to understand giving me a melancholy nod.

     He didn't speak to me for the rest of the day.

 

     I could feel myself shaking as I saw my old friends. They were laughing as if nothing happened while I watched them, they were so much happier without me and it hurt.

     I looked over in the darkness to see Alec standing beside me on one side holding my hand tightly and Harry on the other, I watched as Harry yelled at Alec who dropped my hand and with every word my breathing hitched.

     As Alec shied away from his fathers words, darkness started to surround him, he was being engulfed making me take his hand again. 

     I was trying so hard to bring him closer, to hold him at least once, but the darkness consumed him.

     The air was taken from my lungs as I lunged forward holding my chest, it was a dream and I don't know why it effected me this much.

     I hunched over trying to regulate my breathing when my door opened,

     I heard footsteps quickly rushing toward me and when I looked up, there he was.

     Alec sat down on my bed and as he searched my expression his eyes widened, I still could hardly breathe and all I wanted right now was to feel him holding me.

     I looked away from him, I couldn't want these things. As I avoided eye contact I felt warmth now surround me, his arms were holding me tightly and he whispered in my ear, "I'm right here, Alyson, it's okay. Just breathe...I'm here."

     I listened and started taking deep breaths, I held his arms tightly, as my breathing regulated I started to feel sick to my stomach...but he still sat there holding me tightly with his hands buried in my hair.

 


	5. This Isn't Going Away

      I looked down at my breakfast in front of me, a small portion of eggs, a pancake, and bacon. We made a habit of eating breakfast at the table together every Saturday, this was one of the rare occasions that Harry wasn't working and my mother actually wanted to eat together.

      I could feel Alec's stare and tried my hardest not to meet his eyes, last night was the first time he's ever even remotely touched me that way, it made me feel so conflicted.

     I never told him what the dream was about because he didn't really ask, he knew I didn't want to talk about it. He waited until I fell asleep to leave and went back to his room. I woke up before him this morning and spent most of it over thinking things while laying on the couch.

     "Alley?" my mothers voice echoed in my head making me look up at her, she continued, "What's going on with you lately?"

     "Nothing, I guess I'm just tired," I assured her with a half smile and looked down at my food again, nicking the pancake with my fork.

     "I figured, you have bags under your eyes," she responded in an oblivious tone, my mother was always blunt about my appearance, she was never fully satisfied with it. I just stared up at her with a somewhat offended expression, wondering how she could be so obtuse.

    I looked back down as Harry carried on conversation with my mother, this was usually how things went.

     I felt like there was a certain pressure in my chest, when Alec held my face like that it made the pain go away. Nothing like that has ever happened before. I just wanted him to let me in so badly, to let me see the parts of him that no one else has seen.

     Harry looked at his watch and stood from the table, "I'll see you guys probably around six o'clock. Alec," he turned to his son and gave him a hint of a glare, "behave yourself."

     I finally looked at Alec and he just looked up blankly at his dad and nodded slightly, Alec watched him leave and looked down at his plate still half filled with food. Something was wrong, he always finished his meals.

    "I'll leave you two to it," mother got up and headed toward her bedroom, she always slept when Harry went to work.

     I picked up their plates and left Alecs hoping he would eat more, but he threw the rest of his plate in the trash and washed it off.

     I turned to see him leaning against the mint colored wall, he had his arms crossed in front of him and a brooding expression. I couldn't take it anymore.

     I slipped my shoes on and walked out the door, I walked into the field away from the road and far away from the house.

     There were a multitude of things that were eating away at me and I needed to get them out somehow. I knew I looked like shit, I knew my dad was never going to come back, and I know it's wrong to want Alec the way I did. I wanted it all to stop.

     I came to a halt and sat down slowly. My expression was blank, but inside I was protesting everything I was feeling. It was all built up, I hated letting it build up like that, but I didn't have much of an outlet. I wasn't good at anything and I definitely didn't feel too keen on talking about it.

     Time seemed to pass as I started to over think things again, that was a bad habit of mine. My heart was refusing to beat normally which agitated me.

     I focused on the sound of the breeze moving through the trees, the forest was a few yards behind me. I looked back at it and it bewildered me how something could be so naturally beautiful, the sun was shining unexpectedly through the spaces between the leaves. I was surprised it wasn't raining.

     I heard footsteps on the grass, it crunched under the familiar combat boots. I looked up to see Alec sitting down next to me, not meeting my eyes. I just looked forward again.

     "Are you alright?" he asked with a genuinely concerned tone, I twisted the grass absentmindedly between my fingers. It was cold and damp.

     I nodded feeling him looking at me, he spoke again, "Please, let me help you."

     "I'm okay," he always knew when something was wrong with me, even when I didn't know it myself. I had no idea how.

     "We need to talk about this..." his voice was soft as he spoke and his hands were intertwined together in front of him, "I know you feel it too."

     I nodded a little and a shiver moved its way up my spine and to my neck, the words were stuck in my throat. 

     "We can't," was all I was able to get out.

     His hand moved slowly over and hesitated before it relaxed on top of mine, they vibrated with anxiety. I hadn't noticed how cold my hands were until I felt how warm his was.

     I unwillingly relaxed at his contact and met his gaze, his blue eyes were enough to make me crumble to dust. My head told me to protest against his contact, but my heart didn't want him to move an inch.

     "We can't," I repeated as he searched my eyes, and my head won the fight. I took his hand and placed it back on his lap. I rejected him...I couldn't understand how he could even look at me.

     "I'm not going to stop trying, Alyson," he murmured and took a breath. I heard him stand, "This isn't something that's going to go away." 

     His hand brushed delicately through my hair, I felt it drop and heard his footsteps as he walked toward the direction of the house. Instantly, my heart sank.


End file.
